Stupid

I had a great day today. Such a good time. I watched Usain Bolt win his 100m race this morning with Charisse, then went to lunch with Georgia. Then I met my friend Alex, and we mostly had a laugh.

It was a really great day but at the end of it I’ve learnt a solid lesson.

I always take people at face value. I always accept what they say as what they mean. Sometimes I’m thought of as gullible because of it.

Today, I took the way my friend was behaving at face value. I believed what they were telling me, the way they were acting, when common sense should have told me not to. I think that stemmed from my belief deep down that they don’t actually care about me as much as they think they do.

I hurt my friend by saying something that I shouldn’t have, not because it wasn’t true or it was the wrong thing to say, but because I didn’t realise the effect it would have.

Today’s lesson: pay more attention. There were things I should have noticed that I didn’t. Things I noticed but misunderstood, and had I clocked on, it wouldn’t have happened.

I’m not a bad person, I’m not malicious and I genuinely want to make my friends happy. We all make mistakes, and this is not a mistake I’m going to make again. My friend is probably fine now, but I’m not.

I feel love so strongly, for all my friends. My emotions are so powerful it’s difficult to control them. When I hurt a friend, I feel bad about it for a ridiculous amount of time. I’m going to feel bad about this for a long time to come I think. I’m an idiot.

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