I Feel Good

I feel really really good.
I’m going through a difficult time at the moment, a messed up love life and a scary money situation, and a job that doesn’t guarantee hours. But there are always great things in your life that you can think of which make life and all its trials bearable. Since this is a rare moment of feeling good regardless of all my problems, I’m going to list the great things that are going on in my life.

  1. I have finished my first year at university. I may not have had the best grades, I may not have done as well as I’d have liked and I may not have achieved everything I wanted to, but I have finished. I’ve completed it, and I’m so proud of myself to even be here.
  2. A couple of weeks ago, when I was vegging out I watched a documentary on Netflix called Fed Up. That film has changed my life. As soon as I finished watching it, I made sure to check the nutritional information of everything I eat to reduce my sugar intake, and so far have lost 3lbs. I’m really proud of myself.
  3.  I just did a good set of leg and ab exercises. Seeing that scale slowly ticking down after months of resolutely staying at 9st 10lbs has pushed me to keep going harder. The first set of leg exercises I did 15 of each exercise, and couldn’t walk for three days. I kept going and kept exercising and today, I was finally able to do the whole set of 9 leg exercises twice and include 60 sit ups. I’m getting there and it’s making me so happy!
  4. I now have the entire summer to do what I want. I can finish reading A Game of Thrones (finally!). I can finish knitting my Lett Lopi Jumper. I can start learning a new language or coding. I can keep going with my goodreads challenge and book clubs. I can visit my grandparents and other friends. I have so much time to do whatever I want without feeling guilty and I’m so excited!

I’m really looking forward to this summer and I can’t wait to get started. Seeing the results of the hard work I’ve been putting in to my fitness has really really made me feel so good. I’m going to update more regularly here now, maybe with some more ‘current stuff’ if I get round to it!

 

So yeah, I’m happy 🙂

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Late Night Deep Thoughts 2am

So a couple of months ago, I was making videos and taking part in some BookTube conversations, talking about books, making videos. I was really enjoying it, and I absolutely love the editing process, but a few deadlines hit and I stopped making them. I filmed them, but didn’t have the time to upload- I’m too self critical and I’m too much of a perfectionist when it comes to making them.

I also can’t really watch them, I feel embarrassed of myself and I feel cringed watching them. I actually just went to switch them to private, but realised that they had a decent amount of views (for the number of subscribers I have- basically none, but there were people commenting and liking them) and so some people must have liked them even if I didn’t.

Right now, I’m going through a phase where things aren’t exactly tough – I’ve had a couple of big life changes but nothing that’s keeping me depressed and alone in my house, so I wouldn’t say I’m going through a hard time exactly. I’m just going through a time where I’m trying to build my self confidence and self worth. I know that too often I catch myself thinking, ‘why would anyone be friends with me’ or ‘I have no friends’ or ‘I’m so uncool and so lame’ or ‘I’m too fat’ (that’s a very recent one) or ‘nobody cares what I have to say’.

I think the YouTube videos have always been important to me because I’ve wanted people to like me. I’ve never wanted thousands of fans or anything like that- I’m way too awkward to be able to deal with anything like that. I’ve just wanted confirmation that I’m normal I guess, confirmation that people would want to be my friend. The logic behind that is ridiculous.

All those statements I made above, while they go through my head a thousand times a day, I know they’re rubbish. The most common one ‘I have no fiends, I’m so lonely’ is stupid. I do have friends, there are people I talk to all the time. I have a great family, and I definitely have some close friends. I don’t have a big group of friends, but there are definitely people I meet up with and text on a regular basis. The same goes for all those other statements- when I think about them, none of them are true. I’ve begun to realise that the only thing holding me back is me, and I need to pick myself off and convince myself of how great I am- it’s the only way I’m ever going to be great- by believing in myself.

I know that sounded way cheesy, and by now nobody is reading, but I’ve come to my last point. This blog. Now I’ve always been worried about what people will think about what I’m saying- will they think I’m really lame or stupid? Is it stupid to even write a blog? Does doing this in the first place make me lame? The answer is: No, not if I don’t think it is. I don’t care if people think knitting isn’t cool (supposedly it’s becoming fashionable now, which is so weird to me). I’ve decided that I don’t care what anybody says unless it’s positive, or genuinely useful criticism (Haterz back off!). And by haters I mean the Mean Girl version of me in my head. That’s the only one that has EVER said anything negative to me. So from now on, I’m going to publish more often. I like writing, I really enjoy being able to put my thoughts across in my own space, and that’s what this is going to be from now on. My own space.

I know there are some bloggers who regularly visit here when I post new things – I know who you are and I appreciate it. Turns out I enjoy the regulars’ blogs too, so we support each other. I’m going to keep writing the things I love writing about, and without that filter in my head telling me I’m stupid. And I’m going to enjoy what I do.

February WIPs and FOs

I know, I know, I haven’t done one of these in a very long time but I have an excuse! I haven’t stopped knitting, my phone has been out of action and I haven’t been able to take decent pictures properly. I just got a new phone so I can get more done!

So before Christmas I finished (finally) my Harry Potter jumper. I love it, and I’m so impressed considering it was my first one. It’s slightly heavy and I can see all my mistakes but I love it anyway.

I’ll post a picture wearing it at some point, it looks better on!

Next I did finish my gloves! I don’t think the yarn was the right choice for it so I might make another pair with a different type.

I did really like the pattern though, and in the second glove I was able to rectify a mistake in the pattern.

Last night I made this phone sick as I don’t have my screen protectors yet. It turned out a little on the big side but I can always make another! I might make one with a drawstring l next.



Next is a cowl I’m making.  It’s a Noro yarn I got for my birthday. I love the stitch pattern I’m using and I can’t wait to see all the colours as I go along! 



Last is the Christmas hat I was making. I don’t quite know how it’s going to turn out as I’m making it into a cowl (I cast on way too many stitches for it to be a hat that isn’t ridiculous). 

It’s a great pattern but I haven’t enjoyed knitting it at all.  Untwisting all that yarn all the time is so tedious!

So those are my current FOs and WIPs. I’ll link to rav when I’ve uploaded the pictures!

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WIPs

Time for another WIP update! I haven’t really made many new things since I last made my update post, but here are the things I’ve done!

http://ravel.me/laurencassinia/4xl57  This is the Project Page on Ravelry

http://ravel.me/laurencassinia/4xl57
This is the Project Page on Ravelry

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I made this hat ages ago, but forgot to post a picture. Here’s the picture!

This hat was one of the first hats I’d ever made, and it only took me a day! It was a very easy knit, and very satisfying to look at once done!

It’s a pattern by VeryPink Knits. The lady there does really good Youtube tutorials for knitting (and a little bit of crochet). I learnt how to knit a lot of different techniques through her videos, so if anybody ever wants to try I’d start with her. She also does kind of Knit-Along videos in which she shows you how to knit a particular pattern (like this one).


 

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Who doesn’t love a chunky cable knit scarf!? http://ravel.me/laurencassinia/eccs

This project was essentially finished, I just needed to bind off! I love how soft the yarn is, it’s a very cosy scarf. I used Drops yarn, and it’s really nice and chunky. I loved knitting this!

There were only 16 stitches across (I think. I may have modified the pattern slightly) and on 8mm needles, it was a fast and easy project to make. I wasn’t too happy with my bind off edge, but I still love this. It was a great project to learn to cable on! (Also, you don’t need a cable needle to cable!)


 

 

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This was mum’s birthday gift, a cowl made on 7mm circular needles. It was a nice knit, shorty and a very repetitive stitch, so I didn’t make any mistakes (for once!). My only mistake was the bind off row, which I did far too tightly. Hopefully with some blocking it will stretch out!


 

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I’m now doing these fingerless gloves. I loved the way the pattern looked, and I really really love the feel of this yarn. I used Stylecraft yarn that Granny bought me when I last visited her. It makes me happy that she seems so glad that I’m doing it, because she’s the one I got my passion for knitting from. The first one of these is really soft, but I notice a few things about the pattern I’m not too keen on, so I’m changing them with the second one! (I might make a third since I have so much yarn!).

I’m also revisiting my Harry Potter jumper, and I’m almost done with the other arm!

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November WIP

Elephant

So the new project I’m working on is this elephant, and it’s the first of many Christmas gifts that I’m working on. It’s  not Christmas-y as such, but I think it’s cute and will be a nice gift for a child. I’m going to make a mini jumper if I can in a different colour to ‘dress it up’ a bit. The whole pattern is written on straight needles, which is a nice change from dpns and circulars. These are all the pieces except the head, which I’m still making. I bought pillows and I’m going to stuff it with that. I’ve found that the pattern is pretty unclear and although it says it’s for beginners, if I’d just started knitting, I would have found this incredibly difficult, as abbreviations are used where they’re not needed and lots of things simply aren’t specified. I’ve tried to put as detailed a report as I could in my ravelry page if anyone wants to try it.

Stitch Block CowlAs I’m sure you can tell, this project is actually smaller than when I last updated. I got all the way to about 12 inches of knitting in the rose check fabric, and had to frog the lot, which was a bit depressing. That’s the reason I’ve started up with the elephant for a bit. I will continue with this cowl, because I still think it’s gorgeous, but I’m just losing enthusiasm a little bit. Doing this is pretty motivating though, because I don’t want to post again and have it be even smaller!

WIP

imageI’m making Stitch Block Cowl which was a Knit Along on reddit. I’m a bit late to the party, but I saw it and instantly knew I would wear it and wanted to make it.

So far it’s been a little stressful. Both sections that I’ve done so far have been frogged 3 times each.  The pattern itself isn’t overly difficult, but it’s important to concentrate. The pattern has lots of row changes, so any mistakes are difficult to rectify. As you can see in the picture (but not so clearly in real life) there is a small half-row of mistakes midway through, but at that point I’d gone so far, I never wanted to do that part again!

The top part (pattern 2) is far more fun to knit because of the colour work, however I am terrified of making a mistake because (as I found out last night) it’s impossible to fix if you drop a stitch because you knit the same side twice with the different colours.

At this point, I still love it and I hope to have finished it by next week!

Knitting

Sometime in May I remembered how much I love knitting and tried to take on a new project. I saw a picture on reddit of a Ron Weasley jumper which I immediately started to knit and had loads of fun doing it. It was hard because the only things I’ve knitted before are Garter stitch plain knitting in rows (pretty badly) so I think this was a little ambitious, but fun anyway. This project has taught me so many things about knitting that I feel confident making anything! It’s not finished though because the sizes didn’t work out the way I wanted to. Here are a couple of pictures to show how it looks though. 20140514_131216  The right arm is completely finished, but it’s not the way I wanted it to be so I haven’t done the left arm. I will eventually but I haven’t been able to face it. So I put the jumper into hibernation and worked on some smaller items (which have been going really well). I made the hat first and since, I’ve made two more in red and white and red and grey. 20140523_144118-1The gloves didn’t go so well. The first glove was almost perfect, it fits nicely, but the second I made a huge mistake in the number of stitches I decreased by so it looks a little misshapen, but I’m still proud of it. 20140530_015701 The scarf was a joy to knit because I used 8mm needles which are pretty big so the knitting motion was really fluid. I didn’t have to by a special hook for the cables or anything so I feel like it went really really well.20140623_175614 So those are my finished projects right now, I’m working on a crochet blanket and a pair of socks too, but those are on hold until I’m back from Florida I think.
So probably a really boring post but still pretty important because I spent so much time doing these so I had to write about them. I’m also really proud of them.