I Feel Good

I feel really really good.
I’m going through a difficult time at the moment, a messed up love life and a scary money situation, and a job that doesn’t guarantee hours. But there are always great things in your life that you can think of which make life and all its trials bearable. Since this is a rare moment of feeling good regardless of all my problems, I’m going to list the great things that are going on in my life.

  1. I have finished my first year at university. I may not have had the best grades, I may not have done as well as I’d have liked and I may not have achieved everything I wanted to, but I have finished. I’ve completed it, and I’m so proud of myself to even be here.
  2. A couple of weeks ago, when I was vegging out I watched a documentary on Netflix called Fed Up.ย That film has changed my life. As soon as I finished watching it, I made sure to check the nutritional information of everything I eat to reduce my sugar intake, and so far have lost 3lbs. I’m really proud of myself.
  3. ย I just did a good set of leg and ab exercises. Seeing that scale slowly ticking down after months of resolutely staying at 9st 10lbs has pushed me to keep going harder. The first set of leg exercises I did 15 of each exercise, and couldn’t walk for three days. I kept going and kept exercising and today, I was finally able to do the whole set of 9 leg exercises twice and include 60 sit ups. I’m getting there and it’s making me so happy!
  4. I now have the entire summer to do what I want. I can finish reading A Game of Thrones (finally!). I can finish knitting my Lett Lopi Jumper. I can start learning a new language or coding. I can keep going with my goodreads challenge and book clubs. I can visit my grandparents and other friends. I have so much time to do whatever I want without feeling guilty and I’m so excited!

I’m really looking forward to this summer and I can’t wait to get started. Seeing the results of the hard work I’ve been putting in to my fitness has really really made me feel so good. I’m going to update more regularly here now, maybe with some more ‘current stuff’ if I get round to it!

 

So yeah, I’m happy ๐Ÿ™‚

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DNF Without Guilt? Tuesday Talks

No video today, I don’t have time to edit!

Have i ever felt guilt about not finishing a book? Yes, mostly when it’s a book that was given to me as a gift. I dread the moment when that person asks me how I liked it and I have to make up something vague based on the bit I did read, and hope they hadn’t read it themselves.

Otherwise, no. It’s like saying ‘have you ever felt guilty for not finishing the star trek series?’ I love tv shows, and I love watching series, but I don’t like Star Trek, I find it long and boring and dated and I don’t like that genre of show. Am I going to be a fan of every genre? No. Am I going to sit through hours of film that doesn’t interest me, has actors I don’t like andย has a bad script? No. That’s the way I feel about reading books. I’m not going to feel guilty for not finishing a book if I find it torturous to go through. I’m not going to force myself to read something I hate or that irritates me or that feels like it’s a waste of time.

That being said, I did finish a book recently (The Name of the Star) that I absolutely hated. I read to halfway and was going to give up, but I felt like I should read it because it was for a book club. I’m glad I did finish it now, because the story picked up a lot after the first awful half, and I’m now onto the second book! So in a way, I’m glad I felt that sense of ‘I should really finish this’, otherwise I would have had a very different opinion of a book that I hadn’t seen through!

tl;dr Nope, no guilt!

Gone Girl

This is my first book review here, so I just want to start by saying that this isn’t supposed to be formal, and as far as I can I won’t include any major spoilers.

I decided to read Gone Girl this month, a novel by Gillian Flynn. I’d never heard of her before this book, but having read it I will look into her other books. I knew the film was coming out so I wanted to read it before I saw it in cinema (I always find that when you invest your time in a book, it’s way better if you don’t know the outcome. If I know what’s going to happen, I can never bring myself to spend the time).

From the beginning,ย I questioned whether Nick was telling us the whole truth. The first chapter paints a fairly bland description of their lives- a glittering past replaced by a dull, less comfortable existence. The second chapter is from Amy’s perspective, and immediately made me wonder if these two people were really experiencing the same lives. The way the first half is written sums up how I feel about life in general sometimes- that I am experiencing a completely different world, a different version of events to everyone else around me. Nick and Amy’s experiences were so different, their takes on the reality they live in so contrasting that it was difficult to be able to tell what was really happening. A little bit like The Catcher In The Rye (everything could relate back to that book), where his viewpoint is so skewed that you can’t imagine that world could possibly exist- but it does for him. Just as it does for Nick and Amy.

So Nickย as a character is very flawed. The nature of the novel is that big things are revealed to you very slowly throughout, so I can’t exactly say why without ruining it, but he makes very poor decisions throughout. A lot of his choices were a bit…unrealistic, a lot of the excuses he makes are very…pointless? I couldn’t really empathise with him a lot of the time, because it’s like he intentionally makes things difficult for himself by being a compulsive liar.

Amy on the other hand appears to be exactly what a loving wife should be- a little too perfect I thought. I don’t want to go into depth unless anyone reads this so I’m going to leave it at: Amy was an intensely annoying character who also made very poor decisions, and constantly thought she was more clever than she actually was.

The book as a whole:

I want to kind of concentrate on how the book made me feel, because I think that’s a very important part of reading- what the book leaves with the reader, what messages resonate with them, and how they will remember it.

I read this two weeks ago now (I know, this has been a draft for a long time, I just never got round to reading it) and I remember very well how I felt after I’d finished. The book left me with an uneasy feeling. My head felt a little messed with, confused, uncomfortable, claustrophobic and trapped. I felt frustrated with Nick for his complacency and the resolution to the situation and I felt confused with Amy for her explanation of the ending. The whole novel she seemed to feel that people should do her bidding because she deserved it- but it was never explained why she deserved it ย (other than having mental problems). I did like the last sentence from Nick in her narrative, which was almost like the ultimate ‘fuck you’ to her, because neither of them would ever get what they wanted from this relationship.

I was also very disturbed by the idea that there maybe there isn’t a difference between pretending to do things and actually doing them. Maybe what we pretend is real even though in our heads it’s not real, we’re still doing them, so isn’t it reality? Doesn’t that just mean that even though they were pretending, it was real? Okay so that sounds really vague unless you’ve read it left me thinking some really deep questions about life.

Overall I’m glad I read this book this month, It was a good read, it kept me gripped the whole way. I don’t know if I’ll see the film- I’ve heard it’s very long, but it depends on whether I can keep to my budget.